


nothing's ever made sense till you were next to me

by TheRagingThespian



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 14:06:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8146901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRagingThespian/pseuds/TheRagingThespian
Summary: Five times Kara tries to tell Lucy she loves her, and the one time she does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I take prompts. Let's talk about superlane. theragingthespian.tumblr.com
> 
> title from sleeping at last's next to me

This is fine.

She is fine. Lucy is fine. Everything is just _fine_.

(She says it to herself four more times before she opens the door.

For some reason, it doesn’t feel fine.)

“Why _yes_ , I do deliver,” Kara announces, dropping the bags on Lucy’s desk.

Lucy’s eyes widen, hair whipping up from her entrance. She holds up her hand, looks at her watch, “Under five minutes. That’s some fast service.”

“Fastest in town.” Kara brushes off her shoulder, watches Lucy from the corner of her eyes.

(Lucy’s smiling softly at her.

There’s a rush every time she sees it. Realizes there’s not much she wouldn’t do to get that small smile Lucy can’t contain as she looks away.

Not much she wouldn’t do for Lucy.)

“Thank you,” and oh, Lucy’s fingers are resting lightly on the back of her hand and they’re warm and soft and she’s just staring _stupidly_.

“No,” she swallows thickly, “no problem.”

But there is a problem, and it’s all _Alex’s_ fault. Entirely her fault. Stupid Alex’s fault.

For pointing out maybe she’s a little- a little _invested_.

(For pointing out that she stashes food away as she always has, but now with the intention for Lucy to have some. That she fills Lucy’s desk drawer with pens and sharpened pencils whenever she’s running low.

That she maybe loses track of her thoughts when Lucy looks at her.

Apparently her reasonings weren’t good enough for Alex. That Lucy tends to forget to eat at work. That Lucy likes regular pencils better than mechanical ones because of how they feel under her hand.

That Lucy just has a pretty smile, okay?

For pointing out that maybe she’s a little in love.)

“Kara? You okay?”

Kara jerks back, slaps her feet on the ground before the chair tips back. “Yep, fine. Why, what’s up?”

Lucy points a chopstick at her, “You haven’t touched your food.”

“Right,” Kara leans down, shovels food into her mouth while trying not to think about how Alex laughed at her, tries not to think about the fact that she’s in love with Lucy Lane even though it’s spreading to every thought since Alex first mentioned it.

* * *

 

This is a problem.”This is huge- _monumental_ ,” Kara throws up her hands, points at her sister, “and it’s all your fault!” She bounces on her heels, grabs a pillow and throws it at Alex when all she does is look on with a pleased smile.

There is so much satisfaction when Alex’s head snaps back with the pillow’s impact.

“I don’t know why you’re freaking out. You guys have been dating for a while, what did you think would happen?”

Kara plops down beside Alex, shuffling under the blanket. “I don’t know?”

(She doesn’t.

There is a very clear difference from loving Lucy as a friend and this- this _love_. There is something very real about it. The way Lucy has come into her life, situated herself firmly within it. By her side.

It terrifies her.

Not loving Lucy. That brings a smile to her face, has the breath rushing from her lungs at the mere thought.

It’s the if.)

“What if,” she leans over, presses her hands against her face until her glasses creak, “what if she doesn’t-”

“Nope.” Alex grabs her hands, pulls her under her arm, “Kara- _Kara_ , listen. Lucy Lane? She is one of the most frustrating people I know. She always has to have a plan, she gets angry if I even insinuate that she _maybe_ can’t reach the top shelf at the DEO-”

“ _Alex_.”

“-and Kara? She loves you, okay?” Alex smooths down her hair, grips her shoulder, “Don’t worry about if she doesn’t, because she does. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but she looks at you like you look at her. It’s gross to be honest.” Alex shrugs, leans back into the couch. “And if she doesn’t, I can always-”

“You’re not making Lucy disappear.”

“For the record, I never said that.”

“Or hitting her.”

Alex blinks. “I may have said that before.”

* * *

Lucy yawns.

(She’s been doing it for the past thirty minutes. Keeps shaking her head when Kara asks if she’s tired.

Lucy has a habit of thinking she can power through anything on sheer willpower. While that may be true, it usually takes sleep to muster up the will.)

“Lucy-”

“I’m not.”

Kara bites her lip, tries not to laugh, but Lucy narrows her eyes at her when a small chuckle escapes her. “ _Lucy_.”

Lucy pushes off of her, rubs at her eyes.

(Tendrils of warmth seep outward at the sight, has her rubbing at her chest, lungs filling with it. Has her fingers stretching towards Lucy.

She clenches her fists instead, wonders when she got this bad.)

“This is the first night we’ve been able to see each other in two weeks.”

Kara presses her fingers into her cheek, tries to press down the smile on her face, “I saw you at the DEO.”

Lucy grimaces then. “And you were covered in-”

“I’m still not quite sure what it was.”

“Right.” Lucy leans back on the arm of the couch, rests her chin on her hand, “Forgive me for not being eager to talk to you then.”

“No, no, I get it.” Kara covers her face with her hand, peeks just enough to see Lucy affectionately rolling her eyes, “A little bit of goo, slime- _something_ , and you don't even want to talk to me anymore. It's okay, whatever.”

Lucy toes at her knee, shifting slightly, “Dork.”

She doesn’t miss the way Lucy lights up in turn when she laughs, doesn't miss the comfortable silence that settles over them where everything feels okay.

(The only time she can ever describe it as such.

Silence is losing her powers, the world finally a quiet that has her off kilter. Silence was before her powers.

A quiet that took her planet without a single sound.

A quiet of twenty four years.

She doesn’t like silence. Wonders what’s being lost between the sounds of life that she clings to.

She’s only just beginning to understand why people like the quiet. Hearing the slight whisper of Lucy breathing, the tap of her fingers when she’s annoyed, her heartbeat a steady thump in her ears.

A quiet that doesn’t make her worried about what she’s losing. A quiet that reminds her of what she has.)

It’s there again. That indescribable feeling, one that maybe she should acknowledge.

(That maybe she should tell Lucy how she makes her feel. Grounded and here and _Kara_.)

“Lucy?”

Lucy hums, but Kara doesn’t want to- can’t look, because her throat feels tight and swallowing doesn’t loosen the tension in her chest. She looks at the floor, taps her feet against it lightly. “I just- I love this? I mean, not the floor- your floor is nice though, it’s got that- that.” Kara inhales, thinks it’s odd not to hear the usual, fond call of her name when she rambles. “I love this,” Kara waves a hand between them, still not managing to look and meet a green that is slowly becoming her favorite to paint with, “ _us_ , I mean. You.” Kara breathes out, shaky and unsure but turns to Lucy, “I love yo- _oh_.”

Lucy’s head is tipped downward, soft breaths just barely moving the hair that’s fallen in her face.

Kara tries to steady her racing heart, takes slow, even breaths. Making sure Lucy’s asleep, she reaches over the table and picks up her phone, taking a quick picture that Lucy would never allow her to have in a million years.

She sets it as her background.

(Lucy’s head lolls onto her shoulder when she picks her up, walks slowly towards Lucy’s room. There should be a word that summarizes the way her heart beats faster, a little harder when Lucy presses closer to her, head tucked under her chin.

 _Zhao_ , she thinks. Shakes her head, knows there’s really only one word that gets her heart skipping beats, joy lightening her heels until she’s not sure if she’s touching the ground.

 _Lucy_.)

* * *

There's feather-light touches. On her cheek, skimming upward to her eyes. Smooths over her forehead.

She cracks open an eye.

Lucy's hand retracts, fingers curling closed. “I've never seen you asleep before,” Lucy blurts, eyes growing wide at her own admission as she scoots back, “Sorry.”

(There's so much to take in. Lucy's hair mussed up, eyes still glassy from sleep.

She's usually up before Lucy or at least wakes when she begins moving. Thinks maybe she's more tired than she realized. Thinks maybe she's filtering out Lucy in her sleep.

Thinks there's only a select few she knows well enough to involuntarily do that.)

Lucy's pressing her face into the pillow, flush slowly creeping up her neck. Kara beams, hand reaching out to tuck Lucy's hair behind her ear.

(Thinks it's a little ridiculous that all she can think is _love, love, love._

Thinks maybe she's not the only one.)

“I didn't fall asleep as early as someone last night. I'm not going to name any names but,” she slides forward, hand closing the distance between them, finds a place on Lucy's hip, “I'm looking at them.”

Lucy purses her lips, but oh, she can tell she's smiling. Kara shifts forward until she's on the same pillow as Lucy, dips her head until it touches Lucy's.

“Lucy, I need to- there’s something,” Kara forces a harsh breath through her nose, “I lo-”

Lucy's phone rings.

“One sec.” A few interchanges of mumbling, and Lucy's getting up, leaving the bed with a sigh. “Time to get to work Supergirl. You ready?”

Kara feels her lips pull back, finds herself leaping out of bed to chase after mischievous green eyes.

(Thinks, _yes_ , because there's not much she's not prepared to take on with Lucy by her side.)

* * *

“That will be all Kara.” Cat drops the papers in her lap, looks over at her through two pairs of glasses despite her quiet comments, “I’d say your editing is already marginally improving, but I know it’s only because of me.”

Kara’s lips twitch upwards, “Of course Ms.Grant.”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Not tonight.”

Cat looks away, rolls her shoulders but there’s a kindness in her eyes when she looks backs towards her. “How’s Lucy?”

“She’s great,” Kara sighs, stops when Cat raises an eyebrow, “Wait, I mean, I guess she’s good, but she’s a- a great person? She’s just so-”

“Nevermind,” Cat looks positively disgusted, face scrunching up, “forget I asked. Goodnight Kara.”

“Goodnight Ms.Grant.” Kara turns to walk away. Stops, turns back around. “Ms.Grant?” She gets a blank stare in return, and well, that's not really a no, so, “didn't you say you started off on the gossip column?”

“Yes,” Cat sneers, but then her eyes light up, and oh, maybe she shouldn't have even brought up, because all she can think now are sharks and blood in the water. “Why?”

(And she _hates_ sharks.)

“I was just um, well I- I have a _friend_.”

Cat takes off her glasses- both pairs- fixing her with a look, “A friend? Really, Kara must we do this?”

“Right, sorry. I'm- I'm the friend-”

“ _No.”_

“-yes. Did anyone ever ask you about love?”

“Only everyday. Honestly Kara, everything is about love. You know that. Love for yourself. Your partner. Your friends, family. Love sells.”

“Um, but did someone ever ask you how,” she doesn't mean to drag out the word but she does, “how to tell someone you love them?”

“ _Oh_ ,” Cat grins, and oh, it's feral. She looks down, always fearful that Cat will hear the numerous puns she thinks of throughout the day, fearful that Cat will call her so called nemesis and share this discussion.

(Fearful Lucy will find out when she isn't sure what she should do.)

Cat walks towards the bar, but keeps an eye on her, pinning her in place even though every part of her says to run and that this is a _bad idea_. She slides a coaster over just as Cat drops a glass right in front of her.

“Ms.Grant, I can’t- it doesn’t.” She stops, works her jaw, because they haven’t exactly talked about it, but she doesn’t hide it as she used to.

(The first time she pauses in a meeting with Cat and points to the sky, Cat nods without hesitation.

As if she known which is _impossible_ , because she is stealthy and fast and cunning- and she’s not kidding anyone. Cat knows, but for how long she’s known, she can’t quite say for sure.)

Cat tsks, dragging the cup over to her own as she sits down on the couch opposite of her, motions for her to do the same. “Can’t appreciate anything without a good drink.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Kara,” her nose wrinkles as Cat tosses back the drink without a thought, “you want to know the secret to telling someone you love them?”

Kara leans forward, finds herself whispering, “There’s a secret?”

“Oh yes.” Cat leans back into the cushions, drapes an arm over them, “ _words_.”

“Words?”

“Yes.” Cat flicks her wrist, “There is no great secret to it, Kara, as much as people like to think. They just sit and work themselves into a fit trying to think of some great act that will say it for them.” She rolls her eyes, looks towards the ceiling, “If you tell anyone this, I’ll have you moved to that utility closet on the third floor, but Lucy is far smarter than that she-beast she calls a sister. She loves you because you are you, Kara. You are a good person.”

Kara blinks, goes over Cat’s words, because did Cat Grant just compliment her without a insult wrapped in? “Ms.Grant-”

“It’s not about how you say it. You can barely get a sentence out on a good day, so we both know Lucy doesn’t put too much stock into that anyway.”

Kara cracks a smile. There it is.

“So call her.”

Her smile falls. “W-what?”

Cat gestures towards her, drink sloshing over the rim, “Call her.”

“She’s,” Kara shoves her glasses tight against her face, grips the edge of her skirt, “She’s at work. I can’t just- just. _I can’t_.” She glances towards the clock, winces because Lucy does tend to take her break around now.

Cat takes out her phone. “Ms-Ms.Grant what are you doing?”

“Oh nothing, just calling Little Lane.”

Cat’s phone is in her hands before she can even think. She loosens her grip, hopes she hasn’t broken it before handing it back to her bewildered boss. “Sorry,” she mumbles.

“Well, I don’t see why you couldn’t do the filing faster when you can move that fast.” Cat points, says simply, “Call her. You want to tell her, but you’re never going to if left to your own devices, so _call her_.”

“Over the phone? Isn’t that a little,” Kara opens up her palms, closes them when she can’t find the words.

“Would it mean any less to you if she said it like that?”

 _No_. She picks up her phone, hands shaking as she clicks on Lucy’s picture. It rings once, twice, “Ms.Grant, I can’t-”

“ _Hello?_ ”

Cat smirks at her as the phone slips from her grip, her hand darting out to barely catch it before it hits the ground. “L-Lucy, hey! I mean, hey. _Hey_.”

“ _Kara, are you okay? You sound kind of funny._ ”

“Ah, yep. I’m good. Are you- you good?”

Lucy laughs, and Kara breathes, smiling at the sound. “ _Yeah, it’s nice to hear your voice_.”

Kara buries her head in her hands, tries to hide the smile that’s spreading across her face. “It’s,” Kara tries to ignore Cat’s eye rolls as they rapidly become more and more dramatic, choosing to stand up and walk away. “It’s good to hear you too.”

“ _I_ _get off in two hours if you wanted to stop by_ ,” Lucy huffs into the phone, “ _but I have to go. I’m sorry_.”

“No, no you’re fine. Lucy?” Lucy doesn’t say anything, but she continues, “I . . I love you.”

The call clicks off.

Kara stares at her phone dumbly for a second. Inhales. Exhales. “Oh my god. _Oh my god_.”

Lucy hung up.

* * *

 

She waits three hours.

Paces her apartment, wears a new dip into the floor. Drags a rug over it, receives three messages from Lucy before she’s reluctantly taking off into the sky, thinking how Lucy will react.

Lucy _hung up_.

 

This can’t be good.

Kara gives her best imitation of her typical smile when Lucy opens to door, stepping aside to let her in immediately. She steps in, trips over the ledge. “S-sorry.”

“You’re okay.” Lucy walks past her, presses a kiss on her cheek. “Sorry about earlier, I lost signal. You know how bad the DEO is.”

“The DEO?” Kara gasps, “You lost signal?”

Lucy’s brow scrunches up, “Yes? Where’ve you been though?”

“I was- I was.” Kara stops, rubs her hands together as she looks at Lucy, “You lost signal?”

“Kara,” Lucy’s concerned, stepping up to her to grip her elbows, eyes darting between her own, “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. Great. It’s- what was the last thing you heard?”

Lucy turns her head to the side, “Um, you saying I was fine. Why? That was about it, wasn’t it?”

Kara sighs, it turns into a nervous giggle that she can’t stop until she slaps a hand over her own mouth.

“That was it.”

(Cat’s opinion is the _worst_.

No wonder she doesn’t write gossip columns anymore.)

* * *

 

Alex is silent.

Kara nudges her shoulder, gestures forward, “So what do you think?”

“Where did you say you saw this again?”

“Pinterest.”

Alex grunts, “Of course you did.” Alex crosses her arms, taps at her elbows, “Um, did you ever think maybe this is a little-”

Kara sharply turns toward her, “It's not enough is it? I knew I should do something else.” Kara waves her hands, “Something _more_.”

Alex coughs into her hand. “I was actually going to say it's a bit much?” The disappointment must show on her face, because Alex is reaching out to her, hands pausing in the air at the last second. “It's not bad, Kara. . .but for you not wanting to make this a big deal, isn't this, y'know doing exactly that?”

Kara sighs, raises her hand to bite down on her knuckles. Raises her shoulders in reply.

Alex's gaze softens. “Do you think Lucy will like this?”

“Maybe?”

“Alright, only one way to find out.”

* * *

Lucy looks a little confused when she pulls her inside after opening the door. “I thought we had reservations?”

“We did, _do_ but come look at this first.”

Lucy's hand is gripped in her own, other hand coming to grip at her arm as Kara steers Lucy into the room.  “Why are all the lights off?”

Kara places her hands on Lucy’s shoulders, halts her, “Just stay _right there_.”

“Kara, I can't see anything.”

“I know.” Not really. She always forgets what bad eyesight humans have. Darting forward, she looks quickly at it, nods to herself and shoves the plug in.

As soon as the light flickers on, she's peering up at Lucy for her reaction.

A single raised eyebrow is not on her list of what could happen.

“I-O-U,” Lucy reads slowly as if she's not sure what she's looking at. “You owe me?”

Kara pumps her fist in the air, “ _Yes_! I owe- wait, what?” Kara turns around, looks at the little lights she meticulously hung to spell out _I love you_ on her wall. The majority of them are out, darkness filling the blanks in between the three remaining letters.

Lucy drops her chin to her chest, breathes out, “Kara, this is a lot of effort just to tell me you broke something.”

“I didn't,” even through the darkness, Lucy manages to fix her with a look that has her rethinking, “okay, well yes. I broke your toaster, _but_ I fixed it.”

Lucy rubs a hand on her forehead, “That explains why my bread launched two feet into the air this morning.”

“Um, maybe a fixed it a little too well?”

“You think?”

Kara pushes her glasses out of the way, pinches the bridge of her nose, “That wasn’t what I was going to say though.” She nods her head to the lights, “What that was for.”

“There was something else?”

“I. . I’ll,” her palms are slick, and all she can think is she doesn’t sweat, “I’ll fix it again?”

Lucy snorts, “C’mon Supergirl, let’s go eat and then you can take apart my toaster again.”

(Lucy loops their arms together as they walk out, rests her head against her arm. Kara leans down, presses her nose against Lucy’s hair.

No matter what happens, she thinks she’s possibly the luckiest person.

Lucy looks up to her, smiles.

 _Knows_ she is.)

* * *

 

” _Please stop calling it a porcupine, Supergirl_.”

“It’s got spike things.”

Alex huffs, static over her comm, “ _It also has scales and teeth that can hurt even you, so stop calling it the little animals I’ve seen you cry over_.”

“I didn’t cry,” she hisses, hopes no one really pays attention over the comms.

Lucy’s snickering beside her, whispers against her ear, “You cried like a baby.”

(She pretends Lucy speaking against her ear doesn’t do anything to her. Pretends her nails don’t bite into her palms as breath skims over her ear.)

“They were so tiny. Come on you guys, how often do you see porcupines?”

“ _I_ _still don’t cry over them when I do_.” Alex inhales sharply, and Kara snaps her head up, looks through the buildings around her at the sound. “ _T_ _ry to pin it down without destroying a city block this time, okay?_ ”

“That was one time.”

“Three at least,” Lucy quips, and honestly, if she doesn’t step back, Kara’s going to have a hard time focusing.

“Who’s team are you on again?”

Lucy flashes her a wry grin, “Yours.”

Alex makes a gagging sound over the comms but remains silent after that. Kara searches, picking up on the banter between the agents spread out through the city in search for the alien. Lucy’s finger taps against the handle of the gun, footsteps just to the side of hers.

There’s a scratching sound.

The- the _porcupine_ \- because really, even she doesn’t recognize the alien species- bursts from the ground, and okay, maybe porcupine isn’t really accurate, because she doesn’t remember them doing things like that. Or snarling. Porcupines don’t snarl.

But this thing does.

Lucy’s firing away at it as soon as it shakes off the dirt, makes it angrier as it trots towards her, bullets not seeming to harm it. Lucy cusses, and well, she thinks that’s her cue, so she speeds towards it.

Landing a hit is easy, but there’s no give to the body underneath her fist, causes an ache in her hand that feels bone deep. She skips backward, shakes her hand out. “Um guys, any ideas?”

It squares its shoulders, spikes along its back raising upward, and Kara has the presence of mind to notice that the spikes are directed towards them instead of backwards. Just as three hurtle towards them, she’s spinning towards Lucy, situating her squarely behind her and draping her cape over Lucy as best she can just in case.

One finds its way into her shoulder, but it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as she expected, the other two flying off behind them. The alien sniffs, and it’s not remotely as cute as the porcupine on that documentary she convinced Lucy to watch with her. Growls out a low sound that has her on edge, fills her head with a tangled mess of jumbled letters and meanings before disappearing back into the ground.

“Well that didn’t work,” she grumbles, pokes at the skin around the spike, and it’s funny in a not so funny way, because it sort of feels numb.

“We need to regroup. Regular bullets don’t have any effect on it. Supergirl’s hits don’t either,” Lucy is in Director mode, eyes looking over her for a second before Lucy’s doing a double take, “Ka- _Supergirl_.”

“I’m fine,” she waves, winces when there’s a pull in her arm. Runs her tongue over the tips of her teeth, because it’s feeling heavy all of a sudden.

“Supergirl’s been hit. Get an evac now.” Lucy’s pushing her hands away, looking at her shoulder, and she’s laughing, because there’s an echo of Lucy in her ears. She thinks she hears Alex’s voice too, but she’s not sure. It sounds far off. Tinny. Not like Alex usually does. Not like Alex.

“Supergirl,” Lucy switches off her comm, “Kara, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m fine,” is she slurring? She thinks she’s slurring if Lucy’s stuttering heartbeat is any indication.

Her knees feel like they’re about to buckle, and then she’s staring up at the sky, cool raindrops splashing on her face.

“-ara. _Kara_.” Lucy’s patting at her face, steering her until she’s forced to look into- why does Lucy look so panicked?

(Something twists up inside her at that look. That panic directed at her. She sees it on those nights when the nightmares start. When Alex is begging her to stop, and J’onn is tackling her and she _just won’t stop_.

Wonders if she’s done it again.)

She forces herself to focus past what feels like cotton in her mouth, past the fact that she can’t really feel where the rest of her body is. Lucy’s mouth is moving, and her hearing’s going out, but she can just barely piece together, “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

It’s hard to get her jaw to move, but she does it, “Lucy.”

Lucy’s nodding her head, thumbs rubbing up and down her cheeks, “Just focus, Kara.”

Lucy’s- Lucy’s crying, and her mind’s foggy, but she’s pretty sure that’s the worst thing in the world, and she’s seen it in movies all the time so, “I love you.”

(It comes out far easier than it ever has. Rolls off her tongue in a way her attempts these past few weeks haven’t.)

Lucy stares at her, reaches up to her own ear, and snarls, “She’s talking in a different damn language. _Where are you_?”

Her eyes are heavy, and she can’t hear anything but a loud, annoying buzzing, so she closes her eyes.

(Hands taps at her cheek frantically, and she tries, oh she tries to open up her eyes again, but she’s _so tired_.

It’s still there, but she can’t feel it nearly as much, so it’s easy to succumb to sleep.)

* * *

There’s two fingers pressed at her wrist, and she relaxes before her muscles can even tense, because she knows it immediately. _Alex_.

“Kara? You there?”

“Yes,” she groans at the ache. It’s everywhere. Renews with every beat of her heart.

“Hey-hey, you’re okay. Just breathe,” Alex’s hand is running up and down her arm, and she doesn’t dare open her eyes. Knows the lights will be too bright.

Knows Alex’s eyes might be red.

“The porcupine?”

Alex laughs, but it’s tight, “We got him. Once we realized the spikes were toxic, we regrouped. Tranquilized it from a distance.” Alex brushes some hair out of her face, and she opens her eyes, wants to close them when she sees she was right. “Everyone is okay.”

“Lucy,” she asks specifically, because Lucy not being right beside her is odd and different and causes a tension in her chest that makes it harder to breathe.

Alex rolls her eyes, “She’s getting you some food. Said you’d be hungry” Alex taps against the metal table once, “She was real worked up when you two got here. Which I can’t blame her, because _someone_ should really stop giving us humans heart attacks.”

Kara pushes up onto her elbows, “It shot spikes and I just-”

Alex’s hand pushes her back down, and she looks dumbly at her own shoulder, because when can Alex shove her around? “You did the right thing. The toxins would’ve shut down bodily processes. Organs, everything Kara. It would’ve killed a human. You’ve almost burned out your powers getting it out of your system.”

Kara throws a hand over her eyes, blinking back tears because it could have been Lucy. Could have been Alex. Could have been any of the agents that look at her like she belongs, like she has a family here.

“Lucy said you started speaking another language,” Alex looks down at her, pitch raising curiously, “from the way she described it, it sounded Kryptonian. What were you saying?”

“I don’t- I can’t rem-oh. Oh no.” Kara slaps her hands against her face as it comes rushing back, “Why did I do that?”

“Hey, calm down. It’s fine. Whatever you said,” Alex gives her a skeptical look, and oh, she already feels dumb enough already, “she has no idea what it meant.”

She can tell her powers are fading, sharp noises barely puncturing the dull sounds as it goes in and out. The door sliding open is always a rush of air in her ear but today almost goes entirely unnoticed if not for the frantic footsteps after it.

“I got your text- _Kara_.”

“Lucy,” she attempts to heft herself up, but Alex’s pressing down on her again, shaking her head.

“Get over here Lane before she hurts herself.”

Lucy steps up to her, fingers grazing hers before pulling up to push through her hair. “Hey,” Lucy looks up more towards Alex, “is she okay?”

“Almost.” Kara tries not to frown, because they’re talking over her as if she’s not right here. Alex turns back to her computer, throws over her shoulder, “You’re going to have to stay under the light for a few more hours though.”

“What? No, I’m fine.”

“That’s what you said right before you collapsed too,” Lucy answers, and oh, it’s clipped.

(Clipped in a way she’s heard Lucy address others. Her father. Agents who purposely don’t follow orders.

She always is really short with that guy in her apartment building too? Kara’s still not sure why exactly, because he’s nice to her. Asking how her day was while she’s climbing the staircase up to Lucy’s apartment.

Lucy meets her at the bottom of the stairs now, pulls her along when he tries talking to her while throwing glares at him.

Clipped in a way Lucy’s never been to her.)

“Looks like you’re staying,” Alex says, sounding all too happy, and if she could clench her hands right, she’d hit her, “I’ll go let J’onn know.”

Alex scurries out of the room, and she clears her throat to call her a traitor, but Lucy’s looking at her again. It has her throat constricting, because she didn’t really expect Lucy’s eyes to be rimmed red like Alex’s.

“I really am okay,” she tries, “just tired.”

Lucy nods stiffly, “Right.” Her cheek twitches, “You scared me.”

(She almost scoffs, because Lucy Lane? She doesn’t get scared.

And then she remembers shaking fingers gripping her face. Remembers Lucy’s voice getting hoarse while she talked about her worries of Lois getting wrapped up in Superman’s fights.

Remembers Lucy talking about her mother, how she didn’t know what was happening until there was nothing she could do.

Kara’s not sure if Lucy knows she slipped into Spanish then, but she understood all the same.)

“Lucy,” she sits up, holding off Lucy’s hands because this is _important_. Lucy is important. Lucy’s hands are still hovering near her as if she’s going to fall over, and she’s not making eye contact, so Kara takes a hand, pulls her closer.

(In the back of her mind she notes they’re eye level but pointing out that she’s the same height with Lucy only while sitting probably isn’t the best idea.)

Lucy’s hands immediately wrap around her back, fisting up in her cape while she drapes hers over Lucy’s shoulders, tucks her head in the space between Lucy’s shoulder and neck.  “I’m okay,” she whispers, feels fingers press into her back harder.

“You’re staying up under those lights.”

“Okay,” she presses a kiss against Lucy’s neck, can’t help feeling smug at the pulse jumping under her lips, “and you’re going home.”

Lucy rears back, already shaking her head, but Kara grabs a hand, grips it between her own, “You’re tired, and all I’m going to do is sleep. Go home. Rest. I’ll call you when Alex lets me leave.”

Lucy’s opening her mouth to argue when a voice cuts in, “I don’t do overtime Director Lane, so I suggest you take Supergirl’s advice.”

Kara throws J’onn a grateful smile, both knowing Lucy won’t argue against a superior. Not superior?

(She's not quite sure.

They both call each other Director much to everyone’s confusion while sharing the same little secretive smile.)

“Right.” Lucy grips her chin, and Kara leans forward to meet her- and J'onn clears his throat. Lucy ducks her head briefly before fixing her with a stern gaze, “Call me.”

“I promise.”

“I heard you weren't cooperating.”

Kara narrows her eyes at Alex hiding behind J'onn, “Did you go and tattle on me?”

“. . No.”

Lucy laughs, fingers sliding under her ear, brushes her cheek with her thumb once, “Talk to you later?”

Kara nods, leans into the hand even as Lucy reluctantly pulls away, giving a nod to Alex and J'onn before stepping out.

Alex claps her on the back, “Alright Supergirl, time to get back under.”

“Can't I eat first?”

“Sure,” Kara sighs happily when Alex grabs the bags, huffs when it's held just out of her reach, “while you're under.”

She tries to snatch it from Alex's hand, but a hand settles on her shoulder. She looks up to see J'onn giving her a disapproving shake of his head.

It's different than all the other shakes. She knows it is.

She feels like she's went through two whole lectures at the sight of it, throws herself back down dramatically in response.

(It's nice though. Having so many people care about her.)

* * *

Kara's trudging up the stairs, water dripping off of her when she sees it.

A little bag tied to her doorknob.

Her legs stall for a moment, hand reaching for her phone just in case when she spies the sticky note. The curving letters a familiar sight that has her hands dropping, feet picking up faster.

“Lucy,” she says, smiling as she peeks into the bag.

Kara almost drops it, hand blurring in order to catch it on the tip of her finger. Paints.

(Suddenly, it feels as if there’s not enough time. Not enough time to go find Lucy. To tell her. To just _be_.

She wonders if her mother felt this way.)

Alex is going to kill her. It takes two jumps for her flight to kick in, shooting off into the cloudy night.

(She thinks of her mother and her father. Of her aunt and uncle.

Of Astra.

Of things she never said, never shared with them. She doesn’t want Lucy to become another face in her memories.

She tells Alex she loves her everyday. Hugs Winn and James tightly every time she sees them. A part of her realizes Lucy knows she loves her, but she doesn’t want it assumed.

She is lucky enough to have such precious people in her life that deserve to know they are loved.)

Alex had grabbed her wrist just as she got out of the car, demanded that Kara promise to take it easy. Get out in the sunshine tomorrow once the storm had passed.

To be fair, she hadn’t explicitly promised anything.

Kara lands harshly outside Lucy’s building, rolls her ankle when she doesn’t stick it quite right. She veers around the corner, just barely catching the door as it shuts and sprints up the stairs, her gait long enough to take the stairs two at a time.

A door swings open, “Hey Kar-”

“Sorry, no time.”

(While she continues running, the wonderful older woman down the hall from Lucy offers her a cookie.

And well, she can’t exactly say no to that, can she?)

Kara pinwheels to catch her balance when she almost passes Lucy’s door, knocks frantically on the door.

“Can I help,” Lucy pauses and looks up, “Kara? What are you- why are you wet?” Lucy pulls her in without waiting for her reply and disappears into another room. Lucy steps out, towel in hand and points at her, “Why aren’t you at home?”

“I,” Kara stops, swallows, because maybe flying and running wasn’t the best idea. Lucy’s hands push her towards the couch, shoves the towel in her hand. “Thank you,” Kara rubs the towel against her hair, drops it, “You got me paint.”

“Yes,” Lucy agrees slowly, taking the towel out of her lap and perching on the arm of the couch before patting at her hair.

“I never told you I ran out.”

Lucy’s hand slows. “I just noticed,” she shrugs, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“You got my favorites,” she insists.

“You use them a lot.”

Kara slides her hand over Lucy’s wrist, rubs her thumb against Lucy’s palm. “The green. It’s my-it matches you. Your eyes.” Lucy bites her lip, bobs her head down, and she just can’t stop herself, “You got me paint.”

Lucy laughs, and it’s soft and quiet and just between the two of them. “Did you really come all the way here just because of that?”

“You got me paint,” she says again, “and I can’t not use that color anymore. When you don’t expect something, you always- you always try and hide your surprise, and it’s cute. I like when I get to wake up next to you.” Kara stands up, takes Lucy’s hands, “I love you.”

Lucy stares at their hands, looks up to her. Her eyes are shining, and oh, she hopes she doesn’t make her cry again, because that wasn’t really the plan. It wasn’t. The plan, that is.

(That would imply she had one.)

Lucy smiles, and Kara releases the breath she didn’t realize she was holding, thinks this is it when Lucy says, “I requested for us not to carry out operations together.”

“Oka-what?”

Not what she expected.

Lucy’s still smiling though, and it’s tender, sets itself firmly in her heart. Lucy hops off the couch, rummages through a bag for a minute before dropping a folder in front of her. “After we got back to the DEO, I told J’onn I can’t do missions with you anymore. At least, not side by side.”

“I don’t understand,” Kara flounders for a moment, “Did I do something?”

Lucy shakes her head. “Being the stickler for rules that he is, J’onn told me I had to formally put it in writing. Why your sister demanded copies, I can only guess,” Lucy says as she slides it over to her.

It’s a typical request form.

(She’s seen it a hundred times.

Filed them herself, because a vending machine in the DEO is completely necessary no matter how many times J’onn stamps denied on it.)

Under the reasons for Lucy’s request are numerous inked out sentences. Lines going through half started thoughts, scribbling over others until the very end.

 _In love with Kara Danvers_.

Kara blinks rapidly, eyes watering up even though she doesn’t know why. Lucy takes her face into her hands, fingers brushing off tears, “I couldn’t focus today. Someone could’ve gotten hurt, because of me. I still couldn’t think though, because you were hurt.” Lucy laughs, but it’s shaky, “You’re very distracting Kara Danvers, and I like coming into my office, knowing you’ve been there because there’s flowers on my desk. That I only mention wanting to watch something, and then you have all the seasons of it.” Lucy sniffs, “I like waking up beside of you too, and I am very much in love with you.”

The only good thing about her powers being blown is that when she lunges forward to wrap Lucy in a hug, she doesn’t have to worry. When Lucy falls back onto the couch, they’re both laughing, and okay, maybe crying.

Kara presses her nose into Lucy’s cheek, closes her eyes at the feeling of fingers scratching lightly at the back of her neck. “I love you,” she whispers, says it again just because she can, “I love you.”

A thought comes to her. “Wait,” she says, “you said Alex knew?”

“I mean, she was with J’onn. They were laughing at me,” Lucy looks off to the side, “I hope they don’t actually file that.”

“She knows I’ve been- been freaking out the past weeks, and she knew and didn’t tell me.”

“Weeks?” Kara grimaces as Lucy’s eyes light up, “You were acting so weird- have you been trying this entire time?”

“Yes?”

(Lucy pulls her down for a kiss, and oh, maybe she should’ve said it sooner.

Knows she’ll say it again and again in the morning when she wakes up with her nose pressed into Lucy’s hair, legs tangled with Lucy’s.

Knows she wouldn’t have it any other way.)

  
  
  
  



End file.
